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Hi.

Welcome to my blog. Here, I document my journey after the loss of my brilliant daughter Elira to suicide in January of 2018. I am learning how to breathe and be again without a large piece of my heart walking this world.

Missing you today [Night #2]

Missing you today [Night #2]

Some days I wake up with your memory on my eyelashes. Just opening my eyes and my longing scatters in every corner of my room like fairy dust. I can’t tell stories when I miss you like this, I can only talk about the pain I feel. I can’t remember the way you loved me, the way I loved you, I just long. I bump virulently against the finality of death. My stubborn love for you battles with our fate, the destiny, unable to change a thing.

Today, I just miss you, my daughter. There are no substitutions for your love, no replacements for your body, no consolations today. It can’t be any other way, I understand. I accept it. I will walk and work with this longing in tow. I will carry this pain into every room I enter, in every place I sit, I will pass it into the ground with my feet. And if someone holds my hand today, they will feel it, too. Your absence so intertwined with my presence.

The Pain of Losing You [Night #3]

Ms. Dorothy [Night #1]